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Walls of Anger

Everyone is on their own journey, and even though we want to be treated in a certain way, we cannot expect everyone to treat us the way we want to be treated; therefore we have to understand that everyone is currently going through their own ‘stuff’, but it doesn’t give anyone an excuse to treat another individual disrespectfully, and you may voice that any time. Generally we all know the saying “treat others, the way you want to be treated.” In an ideal world that will make the world we live in such a wonderful place; if we had respect and understanding for each other of course.

Anger arises in everyone, and it may start with a tolerated scenario, and then it may escalate to frustration, feeling annoyed, until someone press your button one to many times, leading you to be severely triggered into behaving in a certain way. Potentially acting out and being emotionally and physically affected by the anger you are feeling. Or maybe you will find people who are just angry all the time for no apparent reason.

On one level the behaviours are recognised by the individual, but they may choose to not understand why they are feeling or acting the way they are. Allow me to tell you a little secret: people act in certain way due to a learned behaviour and in the past. It achieved a certain outcome: if I do A, B or C, I know that I will get a certain response. Some act compulsively due to negative patterns, of not feeling loved or they want a certain type of attention: may it be negative or positive attention. The person will know that this type of behaviour won’t bring any happiness, but they will continue to act in this way as it’s unconsciously driven by our deep need for attention, or understanding, or recognition to name a few. Some may get triggered because another person did something that we disliked, and it could lead you to do the exact same thing to teach the other person a lesson, but it may not hold any benefit to you to do so, and it may not teach the other person anything, as they may not be aware of what they did to upset you. Have you heard the saying “cutting off the nose to spite the face”?

When negative actions or behaviours don’t produce the outcome you were looking for, we may point the finger and blame others for our actions, or we may become unkind and bitter for not getting the response we were looking for. This may then lead to feeling guilty and shameful for the way we acted. I use the word ‘may’, because as stated above, they might not even be aware of what is driving their anger.

Anger could be one of many defence mechanisms to set a clear boundary for people to stay away and keep their distance, and when this boundary is overstepped they will react and will make their boundaries known to show the anger they feel.

When we encounter a person who is angry or acts out, it may seem that the anger is directed at you, but in fact it is not you at all. Like a reflection in a mirror; may be your normal self and it could be something as simple as touching someone on the shoulder that could trigger a reaction of another. It’s their trigger, and it could be because of something that happened in the past, and it’s nothing that you did. Don’t take it personally, don’t get upset or react to it. To react won’t put across how you really feel; it may lead you to do, or to say things without thinking about the outcome. Holding this awareness will assist you greatly to just take a step back and distance yourself from the anger that is being presented.

Article by Chrysilla Lewies

Together: healing the body, mind and soul; exploring the deepest aspects of self, to find the ultimate truth.

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